Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
