Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
