My room smells like vodka and shame
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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