I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
