I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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