I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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