last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
