There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
