No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
