haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
