Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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