you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
