Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
