My nipple is on Facebook.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
