i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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