I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
