your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
