why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
