I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
