I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
