Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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