I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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