I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
