Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
