@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
