we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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