She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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