If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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