I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
