It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
