My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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