he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you would pick up someone in the library
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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