Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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