so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
