Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
