Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I intend to get homeless drunk
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Randomize
