I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
