so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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