I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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