I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
