I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
