you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
