my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
