the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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