I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
