i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
