Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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