some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
