I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
