she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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