Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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