If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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