Will you blow on my dice?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
