Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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