I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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