she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
